Resilience in Mental Health

Being resilient is something I wasn't so familiar with. I was taking some professional development classes and had this amazing speaker, Dr. Katherina Gilboa. Her book was called From Stressed to Resilient. I listened. I took voracious notes. I was DETERMINED to become resilient! I bought her book before the course was even over.

I watched her interview on the Today Show while waiting for my Amazon package to arrive. I knew this book was going to be the key to me becoming resilient! But I have to admit — I never actually thought that hard about whether or not I already was resilient. Whenever something tough is going on I just get up and keep moving. I never thought about what the definition of resilience was for me.

"Just keep swimming." — Dory, Finding Nemo

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), resilience "refers to both the process and the outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. It's having the mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and ability to adjust to both internal and external demands."

So Dory, in the epically famous movie Finding Nemo, is actually practicing resilience when she uses her catchphrase, "Just keep swimming." Think about it — it can be extremely stressful to be in a constant state of confusion. Dory is living her life 10 seconds at a time with the constant nagging feeling that something is missing. That is SOOOO stressful! And yet she keeps going.

When the book arrived, I gleefully dove in. There was a quiz! I LOVE quizzes! I quickly answered all the questions. Wait… this can't be right… I'M RESILIENT??? Let's redo this quiz. It still says I am resilient! Okay… let's read about WHY this book thinks I am resilient. There has to be a glitch. Lol.

In her book, Dr. Gilboa outlines 8 resilience skills:

1. Building connections
2. Setting boundaries
3. Being open to change
4. Managing discomfort
5. Setting goals
6. Identifying options
7. Taking action
8. Perseverance (keep trying)

I looked at all 8 skills and thought — wow, I've got this! But this list is also a way of identifying which skills have kinks in the chain. I know, for example, that I have to work on my boundaries. I have a hard time saying "No" to others. I'm a work in progress. That's my kink in the chain.

Dr. Gilboa also identifies attributes — traits you can develop or already have: adaptability, sense of humor, empathy, optimism, confidence, faith in ideas, and knowledge gained from past struggles and successes.

Dr. Gilboa states that there is a lie related to stress: "That stress is poison."

"Stress is bad and bad for us! We've been taught to fear stress — to avoid it, to minimize it, to eliminate it. If you're causing stress in someone's life, you're the villain. If someone is causing stress in your life, that relationship is toxic — get out!"

But here's the thing: that idea — that stress is a poison to be avoided at all costs — ignores reality and sets people up to fail.

In reality, all change brings stress. Big change, like a new boss. Small change, like a phone upgrade. The change you hate, like a diagnosis. The change you love, like a promotion. If the only "cure" to stress is to avoid it, we're all going to fail.

According to pediatrician Dr. Ken Ginsberg, there are 7 key factors in resilience — all starting with C:

1. Competence
2. Confidence
3. Connection
4. Character
5. Contribution
6. Coping
7. Control

With all these skills and factors in place, we can build inner strength and utilize outside resources — regardless of age.

Here are some of my favorites from the research:

• Ask yourself: will this matter in five years? If not, why spend any time worrying about it now? This is a big one with me and my clients.
• Give no one the power to lower your self-worth. Look at yourself through the eyes of people who love you unconditionally.
• Spend quality time weekly with someone who inspires you.
• Volunteer. Research shows it's associated with better physical and emotional health and even increased longevity.
• Embrace your vulnerability. Be authentic. It's okay to feel sad sometimes.
• Be kind — especially to yourself. Kindness is a marker of strength, not weakness.
• Lower your threshold to feel grateful. Be grateful for a deep breath, the smell of coffee, the smile of a loved one.
• SLEEP. At least 7–8 hours every night. It cures over half of what is ailing you. So many studies show the connection between sleep and illness — mental and physical.
• Practice deep breathing and meditation on most days. Aim for at least 15 minutes.
• Schedule your worries instead of letting them usurp your entire day.

Try a few of these and let me know which are your favorites!

Interested in building your resilience with professional support? Reach out to schedule a session.